When Everything You Make Sucks

For over a week I’ve done bad painting. Little bits of this and that, that didn’t hold together, didn’t feel good, didn’t amount to anything. I told a friend I’d forgotten how to paint. She said, you can’t forget how to paint, you just need to play. She was right, partly. I had forgotten to play, but there was more to it than this.

 And then, this morning, the answer finally came to me. And the answer has two parts: when you’re in that space where you’ve got NOTHING – no ideas, everything you try fails, you wonder if you’ll ever paint anything good again…

a)     It’s VITAL to keep turning up, and

b)    sometimes you JUST HAVE TO WAIT.

 It’s something I can’t explain other than to say that when creativity comes, it works THROUGH you. There’s a magic that isn’t really down to you. You’re just the vehicle.

And when it’s not there, it HURTS.

Sometimes you have creativity flowing through you for weeks, even months.

But at any moment it can stop. It’s like surfing a wave which suddenly peters out. And you’re left floating on a flat ocean. You feel like one tiny drop of water among a billion other drops, and all of them seem to be more creative, more talented, more successful than you.

 Perhaps there’s a reason for this. Maybe creativity works like this, to keep your ego in check.

 I feel like, as Artists, we are in service to creativity. And that’s why it’s our responsibility to keep showing up. Even when we don’t have any ideas, when everything we make sucks.

 It’s also why MONEY causes so many problems for artists. Because money muddies the water. It messes with your brain and blocks the path for creativity to flow through you. There’s a lot more to be explored about money and creativity. In another blog post.

 The thing I experienced today was the return of creativity flowing through me. I sat down with no fixed idea about what I was going to paint. But I made myself available. And creativity returned, flowing through me in a way that can only be described as magic. It feels unexplainable. Unteachable. You can teach mindset, and approach, and method, and technical skills. But the magic is unteachable. When it strikes, it feels spiritual, and it’s humbling.

 So if you’re in that space where everything you make sucks, and where everyone else appears to be better than you, hold onto these three things:

1)    Being an artist is a lifelong experience. You can’t deny it, so you may as well accept it and get on with it.

2)    Try not to let money muddy the water. If you have other ways to earn money, factor those in to your time schedule. It does not make you a lesser artist.

3)    Hold the faith that creativity will be back. It WILL flow through you again. Just KEEP TURNING UP and wait for it.